I’ve been asked a few times since it aired if I’ve met kids like Jamie. Truth? I have, yes.

A lot of kids are like Jamie. I hear a lot of people saying “kid’s a psychopath/ sociopath/ evil…”. I get that, I know why they’re saying it. But for me, Jamie was also a victim. And in many ways a very ordinary child. The bigger victim in this show was childhood. An effective metaphor. An uncomfortable watch.

So who is the real villain? There is a toxicity out there that our kids are plugged into, transforming their brains, minds, attitudes, gradually, almost imperceptibly, by stealth. Boys are being trained to objectify girls from a young age. And their own self esteem is being linked to power (over people and things, not the good, internal, nourishing self-assured power). No. Tate and Mc Gregor type power.

That. Is. Grim.

“Adolescence”‘s writer Jack Thorne portrayed this so well – dropping crumbs for us to chew on, like the boy telling his psychologist that he believes he’s ugly. He loathes himself. He’s 13, and ashamed that he’s a virgin. That his dad was ashamed of him for not being great at sport. Another crumb when he begs the psychologist to tell him whether she likes him.

Years ago I wrote a piece about raising sons, another about porn not being what it used to be. Another, well, several, about not blaming teenagers, that we need to take responsibility. Another about porn use in teen boys. (I used to write a lot…. it was self-care, I was worried, and it helped me to write). I would get DMs telling me to ‘dial down the feminism’, that I was over reacting, sexist – the usual stuff from the usual types.

I wasn’t the only one sounding alarm bells, not by a long shot. And I’m still worried. But now we see more of it in plain sight. Violence against women has become normal, almost a rite of passage, something to expect, and something WE WOMEN must take responsibility to avoid … A rapist recently announced he wants to run for the presidency – and people are there to support him. WTF.

As in seriously, WTF.

Meanwhile, a man who has clear disdain for women was elected to the presidency of one of the most powerful countries on our planet.

What message does this send girls and women? We’re getting a LOT of dodgy messages these days and being told to shut up about it.

I see politicians saying every schoolchild needs to see Adolescence and I’ve been asked about that too. My answer? Ya, sure , show it to them. But that’s not enough. The grown-ups are the ones who need to watch this. We need to t a l k to teenagers about porn, violence. We need to keep an eye on their social media use and t a l k about it with them. I’d prefer if the politicians discussed adults, parents, teachers , themselves watching this show. This is not a burden or the fault of teenagers.

This is on us. We need to step up.

How? Some suggestions:

• Limit childrens’ phone use and ensure they get enough sleep.(yes, there’ll be some resistance)
• Encourage conversations about what they do online, what they see who they meet, what’s fun, what feels off (yes, there’ll be some resistance…)
• Remember that privacy and secrecy are different things (again resistance)
• Do your best not to fertilise shame.
• Spend time together and encourage non phone-related face-to-face activities (yep, resistance)
• Lead my example – what’s your own phone use? Your own porn use? Are you watching porn that’s degrading to violent? Is your partner perhaps watching it and you’re turning a blind eye because ‘that’s what men’ do? (they don’t all do it, I know). Has that become normalised in your home?
• Inform yourself about what your kids are seeing and accessing. This will not be pleasant. Because now more than EVER porn reeeeeally ain’t what it used to be.

This is a problem that hasn’t gone away. Can we reign it in? I don’t know, we have failed in many ways. Our kids are being corrupted, no doubt. It’s hard to confront the reality that makes Adolescence both compelling and terrifying. Confront it though, we must. There’s still hope.

(It’s also the first time I saw a psychologist portrayed on TV that didn’t make me want to gauge my own eyes out , so that was nice!)