(Gently but firmly …)
I saw a list of 8 bullet points on a meme last week on social media – Twitter if memory serves – and I saved it. Today I trawled my way through various rabbit holes in Google to find the original author and cannot, so I can’t credit appropriately, which always irks…
But I’m sharing them anyway! Because they’re good. I’ve added to them here and I think they’ll speak to many, as they did to me.
SO – without further ado:
Is that really how it went?
Or just how you (want to) remember it? ( Here’s a great piece for more reading on why we do this )
How are your insecurities affecting the way you’re viewing the situation?
(Here’s a nice piece on the types of insecurities we experience and some tips on how to deal with them)
What parts of yourself do you see in the person you’re criticising?
We call this projection – here’s a piece about 8 different ways we all do this and why it’s harmful to us and our relationships) and one piece of research that looks at what we say about others and how that reflects who we are. It might make for uncomfortable reading, but you’re here because you’re curious – and that means something!
Are you more concerned with being right or evolving as a person?
Here’s a nice piece about things that are (even!) more important than being right. And here’s a piece about why it’s so annoyingly important to us in the first place! It’s ten years old but still so relevant – note the Republican v’s Democrats mention…#pluscachange
What blame have you been placing on someone else that you can take some accountability for?
Our dear friend Projection again, mixed in with a little needing-to-be-right and a sprinkle of Responsibility Aversion for good measure. We’ve all done it… she says hopefully…
What hard conversation with yourself have you been avoiding?
You’ve probably already thought of it and felt a ripple of anxiety… we don’t need any further reading for this one. But ignore that thought at your peril…and please go gently.
What is your most toxic trait that you can (or will) admit to?
Maybe think of the trait you hate most in others. Again, uncomfortable and challenging as that is.
Is your ego getting in the way of your healing?
“In the middle of a painful adversity, our ego often builds a wall to help protect us from that which hurts us. Unfortunately, it is this same wall which prevents those who can help us most from getting in.” Dave Cooke – a blog on addiction and parenting.
I said it already here but I shall repeat – in italics and bold perhaps to make sure you see it. Go gently with this one. This is not a post titled “What to beat yourself up with and feel bad about”.
This is a post to help you bring your compassionate awareness to yourself of some of the habits you have: the things you do and say that might be stopping you from fully enjoying your relationship with yourself and others.
We all have these habits in one form or another. We learned them young and they stuck. But once we notice habits, we can control them better and –
we can choose change.
Calling ourselves out on our own sh*t isn’t easy – certainly not as easy as calling other people out (I’ll again reference Twitter which is where a lot of people go to do just that!!) but I can guarantee you it’s a great way to bring more meaning and joy in your life.