It’s Father’s Day again – already!!
For many it’s a day of celebration, cards and the cutest little homemade gifts.
For some it’s a day of fond, sad reminiscence. For most it’s probably both.
And for others today is a day when bad memories invade, unwanted memories intrude, discomfort is triggered.
Our fathers, their presence and their absence, impact us hugely. Our fathers influence how we see ourselves and how we relate to each other.
What kind of man was your father?
It’s hard to be objective with such a big, emotionally laden, and possibly judgemental question and yet it’s a question worth asking. In there you will likely find answers about your behaviours, your choices of friend, of partner, regardless of your gender or sexuality.
Was (is) your father present? Emotionally open? Caring? Warm? Cold? Absent? Honest? Cruel? How did he treat your mother, his friends, his boss, his employees – you?
Have you ever considered how your father influenced you at levels that you may not consciously be aware of from moment to moment? Day to day?
(If you have a male partner does he kinda remind you sometimes of… never mind… maybe it’s just me…)
All of these things that our fathers did (and didn’t do) helped teach us how to be a person. Not exclusively of course! Other things influence us too, naturally. In many ways our world is in a state of crisis right now and fathers have an (understated) opportunity to influence how we as a society turn out, what we’ll do next.
How we’ll treat our girls and women, what expectations we’ll have of our men.
What kind of people do you want your children to be – and be with?
These are also very big questions – but certainly worth asking!
We talk about the influence of mothers far more than that of fathers don’t we? That seems unfair to everyone. And it can be so very hurtful to men and fathers.
If you’re a father, you are influencing your child/children in exactly the same way right now – even though you didn’t decide to do that when you woke up this morning! I think that’s amazing and can be hugely positive – fathers really can help shape our future!
And so here is my main thought for fathers today:
And have a wonderful day guys!!
ps: I came across this video this morning and it’s really very, very good: if you give yourself a few minutes to watch it’s not bad! BUT what it doesn’t emphasise is the fact that we can heal from difficult or absent relationships. Nothing is set in stone. Nothing.
*I first posted this piece in 2018 when the #metoo era was still new and spreading.
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