I’ve been doing other things lately — staying away from writing, and from posting on social media as much as I used to. A couple of people have expressed curiosity about that – and here’s what I tell them:
There are a few reasons. I’ve been pondering each of them this morning, coffee in hand, wondering how best to fill the unexpected gap created by two cancellations — courtesy of this year’s remarkably efficient flu virus.
The first reason — and really the biggest, and a very positive one — is that I’ve become completely addicted to photography. I took it up during lockdown, and I haven’t put it down since. It’s the most wonderful hobby. Through the lens of a camera, I find beauty in everything. Everything. That’s been a revelation. And while it always came naturally, I now know how to capture it. Somehow, the beauty has expanded. We could all do with looking up and around more. Those bloody phones …
Like a lot of things, photography is far harder than I ever anticipated. And the more I learn, the more I realise how much there still is to learn. I’m constantly challenged, constantly learning — which suits me and it’s fun! — but it does leave time for little else. Writing just sort of slipped quietly into the background. I imagine it as a little person in the back of my brain, still happily scribbling notes, just not passing them forward as often…
A second, darker reason is that I — like many outspoken or simply congruent colleagues — have fallen foul of online bullies. That’s been a real turn-off, a gagging of sorts. Not an uncommon experience among fellow amateur bloggers, I do realise. But sitting here now, as I write this, I am smiling as I recognise it feels much smaller than it once did. I’m far more inclined to roll my eyes than feel fear or anxiety. So, perhaps we’ll park that one for now – at least until I next say something heretical.
So yeah… we’ll see how that works out..
The third reason is procrastination. (Yes, sadly, therapists procrastinate too!) Despite everything, I’m still barraged with ideas daily — hourly, sometimes. Things to write about, to share, to teach, to learn, to explore. Every single day something excites me or catches my attention, and I think, I could write about that. But somehow, I just don’t make the time. (I nearly said I just don’t have the time, but it’s a choice of course… see? I can therapy myself! 😉 )
The laptop calls to me, but not always for writing. There’s the latest batch of photos from that sunset, or that moonrise, or that walk… or oh my god — that aurora display.
When I was writing for online publications and other people’s websites, I had deadlines. Every week I churned out an article with ease. How did I do that? Simple — it was my main hobby.
I gave those outlets up one by one as I became increasingly disillusioned with how my work was being presented. One website insisted on calling me an “expert” — a particular pet peeve of mine. Others (several, in fact) allowed authors to copy and paste from elsewhere and claim it as their own. Sometimes I shared pages with articles or adverts about which I had ethical concerns. It all began to feel uncomfortable and rather depressing.
I resisted for a while. I persisted. And then, eventually, I made the right call: I stopped.
But I loved it. I do love writing. And I know that some people even read what I wrote — and some of those ‘some people’ even miss reading it!
So this is nice. Hearing the clickety-clack of the keyboard again. Feeling a different part of my brain switch on… whirr whirr, buzz buzzzz. Like meeting an old friend #sipscoffee
Sometimes I see things that enrage more than excite me, and I deliberately don’t write until I’ve calmed down. I have to watch my language… it’s been mentioned… This morning, I feel calmer. And I’m ready to write about something that regularly irritates and concerns me. It’s become more frequent of late. I’ve been sitting with it, trying to figure out if I’m less tolerant or if it’s happening more. Perhaps it’s both.
Unfortunately, this frequent source of irritation — and concern — is my own colleagues.
And those who pretend to be colleagues.
So, it seems I’m back to my blog, and that will be my next post. I do hope you read it if you are considering therapy. It’s not written to scare you, even though it can be scary. Nope — I wrote it to inform, and hopefully, to help.
Here’s a wee preview: