Yesterday a guy explained to me that most women would be up for crying rape if they thought the guy they just had sex with had money.
Sure what did I think was going on with Conor McG? She charmed the judge and jury, that’s for sure, he said. He personally knows a guy that’s in prison for raping a woman (odd brag..) and that guy has a family, a good job, he’s educated – are we supposed to believe he’d do that? C’mon Sally, he said. C’mon now.
He wagged his finger at me. Shaking his head.
Prisons are full of innocent men, he said. It’s a disgrace. So sad.
What do you suppose she’d been doing with him all the other times they had sex he asked me?
I don’t know which case he’s talking about. There are so many to choose from … I can barely hear him over the sound the blood is making in my skull.
I can hear my heart beating… breaking… I thought he was a nice man.
“Erm… she was probably having sex – good sex hopefully”, I said. He looked a little shocked. But pressed on.
EXACTLY he said. Triumphant. His point was proven. She’d no problem with the sex until she decided she’d get some money off him, or ruin his name for some unknown reason. It’s terrible he said, lowering his voice, how many women are out to get men into trouble. They’re just a bit… y’know…
He was twirling the air around his forehead… peering at me over his glasses. Expecting me to agree. Or maybe not caring, I don’t know.
In another life he’d try to get me burned at the stake I thought. Jeepers. In a more recent other life may he’d try to have me locked up for being hysterical… or fallen or whatever…
I didn’t know whether to quote the stats to him about how few rapes are reported (estimated <10%), how few of them go to court (14%), and how few of THEM result in conviction… (increasing from dismal 8% in 2008 – to dismal 11% in 2018)
To be honest, I didn’t know if I was even safe … I turned and walked away from him. Heard enough. He was still talking. “And it’s Women’s Day tomorrow!” he called after me.
I could almost hear his eye’s rolling.
Can you guess the question he shouted after me as I disappeared around the corner, vowing to never strike up a conversation with his again? (answers boys and girls in comment section – I’m sure you’ll all get it right)
So ya, Happy International Women’s Day
BUT BUT BUT and also:
I spent much of today on the feminist Walk of Cork and I TOTALLY recommend it! It’s fascinating – (and shameful and enraging and sad) – but great! I was delighted to listen Maggie O’Neill, JP Quinn, Clodagh Finn, Conach Gibson-Feinblum, Naomi Masheti, Sheila Connolly and finally Mary Crilly of Sexual Violence Centre Cork speak so movingly of where we were, how far we’ve come, how much farther is left to go. Progress feels incremental at times. Especially after ‘conversations’ like the one I had yesterday. But hopefully, future generations of women will feel more valued. And will feel, and be, safe.
Check out the Cork Feminist Walk website here!
