Relationships

How to discipline more effectively

| Sally O'Reilly
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I have a bit of a fascination with the origins of words. As I grew up every new word I asked about was explained to me by my mother in terms of its origin – origin, from the Latin ‘Origo’, meaning beginning, source, rise. You get my drift…

The word ‘discipline’ originates from the Latin to teach, or instruct. When the Middle English folk came along it morphed somewhat into the punishment, ‘mortification’ scourge flavour we are more familiar with today.

Falling on deaf ears
Falling on deaf ears

And I find that the words discipline and punishment (from the French Punir meaning rough handling) are often used interchangeably. Which isn’t a great thing, because we now know that punishment isn’t necessarily a good way to discipline. So I prefer the original meaning of discipline, it’s more effective as a means of changing or adjusting behaviour in the long term. FAR more effective.

So I wrote a piece on the (real life and practical) differences between discipline and punishment, with some ideas on how to do the former more effectively.

You can read it here and I hope it’s helpful!

Sally O'Reilly Counselling & Psychotherapy

 

Calvin Klein and the glamourisation of sexual harassment

| Sally O'Reilly
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You’ve probably already heard about the new Calvin Klein advertising campaign. It’s worked, that’s for sure, in that Twitter and Facebook can’t get enough of complaining about it. And of course the pro-sexism and creepy factions can’t get enough of defending it and lashing out at people who recognise it for what it is – blatant sexist glamourisation of and dismissal of sexual harassment.

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The Revenge Porn debacle – and what we can do about it.

| Sally O'Reilly
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Some people are saying that the allegations about UCD male students posting “revenge porn” in a Facebook group with over 200 members is ‘unbelievable’. And as it turns out, the allegations went unsupported, there is no first hand evidence to support the claims.

For so many though, the story was totally believable. Some people still believe it, thinking – well can’t the evidence be deleted? Isn’t there sufficient shame around sexuality and sex crime to prevent victims from coming forward when invited, encouraged even?

One major piece that this has highlighted for me is this question: what made this story so believable? And I feel it’s because this happens now, we all know it. For any of us to say otherwise at this point is somewhat naive.

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There’s something your teen isn’t telling you..

| Sally O'Reilly
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Well.. Ok.. there are probably many things they are not telling you but there’s one in particular we’re talking about here.

One of the benefits of having an almost crystal clear memory (of the horrors) of being an angst-ridden teen is that it helps when you’re an adult to empathize with teen concerns.  And whatever your role, parent, teacher, therapist, when you’re trying to help,  empathy is far more useful than irritation, helplessness, anger or frustration (speaking from personal experience, that is). You’ll probably be familiar with those feelings..?!

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Do you know what you need to be happy?

| Sally O'Reilly
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It’s always nice to hear from a previous client.

As therapists, we have a privileged opportunity to share a precious part of our clients’ journey through pain, crisis, vulnerability – but we usually do not get to hear about the “what happened next?”. Often, after the work is ‘done’, our minds wander back to our clients and we can only hope that things are going well.  Hope that our relationship however brief, had some positive influence, that they are happier now. Continue reading →