Must I identify as ‘something’ to be ‘someone’? a new teen crisis

| Sally O'Reilly
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So here’s a new one – well, new for me anyway.

Every year there’s a new trend in school. Teens assert their social positions and maybe elbow a few peers off their pedestals on the way. It’s nothing new of course – a rite of passage, a task of adolescence. We all know what that looked and felt like when we were in school. The cool ones, the nerds, the swats, the dossers…

It’s tough going – remember? (Do try – because remembering will help you navigate your teen’s development. I know it was literally the last century but take a breath – see what comes up as you read this…)

It can be crazy fun, but also deeply, deeply painful – no matter where on the social ladder you are. Each rung brings its own victories pressures and miseries.

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What are we teaching our teens?

| Sally O'Reilly
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It was a Friday, and I was sitting on a desk in a school classroom, all excited. Friday had become my favourite day of the week, not because weekend, but because that was the day to deliver my personal development and sex education class to a bunch of sparkly bright teenagers. Fun guaranteed!

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Yes! Let’s talk about hormones (if we’re experts in the field)

| Sally O'Reilly
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I usually avoid writing when I’m on leave but y’know sometimes you see something and you get the rages, and as a colleague said to me yesterday as we raged to each other – sometimes right is just right. And so you respond.

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Craving Touch

| Sally O'Reilly
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My mother used to love brushing my hair. I remember my first hairbrush too – it was white, shell shaped and had gentle ridges in it. The bristles were soft and white. I can still remember the feel of it in my little hand as I sat in my pram in the garden, going back and forth over the bristles, watching the steps up to the house. Watching for her probably.

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The sea – it’s free therapy!

Image | | Sally O'Reilly
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“We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea — whether it is to sail or to watch it — we are going back from whence we came.”

– John F. Kennedy

There’s something about the ocean isn’t there?

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What your teen won’t tell you

Sad teenager
| Sally O'Reilly
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There was a girl in my class in school that I was pretty tight with. She wasn’t my bestest-in-the-world friend but I liked her and spent a good deal of time in her house at weekends and such. Especially when I started smoking.  I know, I know…

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Dear exhausted women – stop asking for help(!!)

Women baking
| Sally O'Reilly
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I know this is the exact opposite of how I normally speak but here’s the thing: when it comes to parenting and housework,  I’d really love women to stop asking for help!

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My Daughter is Distressed: A Q&A

| Sally O'Reilly
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Sometimes a parent mails me with a query about their anxious child.

Last week I received such a query. Her particular issue is such a common one at the moment (ungrateful nod to COVID!) that I asked permission to publish both her question and my response. There can be so much isolation, pressure and even shame around parenting that it can come as an enormous relief to find that another parent shares your experiences!

And of course these difficult feelings are exacerbated hugely in lockdown.

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Do you need support with your teen?

| Sally O'Reilly
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Is your teen on a waiting list with a psychologist, therapist, counsellor or CAMHS? This might interest you.

I’m increasingly aware that there are many teens on therapy waiting lists, and that these lists are getting longer and longer…

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