I was, still am a little, in two minds about posting this. But here it is. Over a week old. Because technology and I have a difficult relationship at present.. (as in, I hate it… and I think it hates me…) Maybe it’s best I had time to calm down. I’ve edited out some expletives…but

I am still nauseated by the ConorMcGregor story. Not just by what he almost certainly did, and his whiny rantings after being found liable. But also by the sadly predictable onslaught of misogyny directed at both his victim(s) – and his partner. No doubt in some sad corner of the internet someone’s blaming his mother…

(And I do want to quickly add that I am truly heartened by the support online I’ve seen for her pouring forth from Irish men and women. It’s wonderful to see. Special shoutout to Suzanne Harrington for her piece this evening)

But crikey, the sheer volume of callous cruelty, hate and misogyny directed at the women in this litany of horrors is astonishing.

“Why did she put herself in this position? Did she NOT know? Why is she still with him? Must be the money… Must be that it’s all lies, she’s OBVs a terrible mother, a liar, a scumbag, a slut, a money chasing b*tch…”

And not all the comments I’ve seen were made by men. We women can be so critical of each other’s dress, behaviour… Implicit sexism is rampant, and explicit sexism normalised. So much so, that we ignore, daily, what our fellow women suffer and tolerate.

We are at the point where abuse is not even recognised as abuse. In 2024. This is utterly mind boggling.

As an allegedly civilised society, we must learn to see that women in abusive relationships stay because they feel they must, they are frightened for them or their children, they are under threat, they have no access to money, support, friends, family. Or they have been convinced by incredibly skilled abusers that they are imagining things, or exaggerating things, being oversensitive, being hormonal.. bla bla bla.

Because bitches be crazy right? Sure we all know that. We’ve even thought it of ourselves…

My take? This guy is a monster. He’s not the only one around. There is, I would guess, at least one man in every village and town and city in Ireland that gets away with abuse daily. And our collective attitude is a huge part of the problem.

If the rhetoric out there is to look to the women for how they behave, ‘tempt’, flirt, seduce, get drunk, or for example have no value or worth because they leave their partner and or kids at home (SO DID HE by the way ), then women will not feel safe to report assault and rape. I am willing to bet that most women reading this have either themselves been, or have a friend who’s been assaulted and hasn’t reported it.

The small minority of men who are violent are watching the rest of us closely every time someone blames a woman for a man’s behaviour. And they smile, knowing they are safer every time to do whatever they want. They are emboldened. Imagine.

Do you want to make these vile guys smile their smug smarmy smiles?

Please. Think about it when you discuss this case with your friends and family. Teach your kids to be mindful by modelling to them, and correcting them. It’s so important. Everything we say teaches people how to treat us. And we teach victims of rape and assault that they’re either safe with us, or unsafe, and about to be judged.

Perpetrators get the message too. Loud and clear. They are attuned to rape aplogists. Repetition normalises. Even if we “don’t really mean it…”

Before you click on the video below, I just want to say, it’s not pretty. You might rather avoid, genuinely. And while the screenshots absolutely do NOT represent the majority of the comments I’ve seen, they were disturbingly easy to find.