Must I identify as ‘something’ to be ‘someone’? a new teen crisis

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So here’s a new one – well, new for me anyway.

Every year there’s a new trend in school. Teens assert their social positions and maybe elbow a few peers off their pedestals on the way. It’s nothing new of course – a rite of passage, a task of adolescence. We all know what that looked and felt like when we were in school. The cool ones, the nerds, the swats, the dossers…

It’s tough going – remember? (Do try – because remembering will help you navigate your teen’s development. I know it was literally the last century but take a breath – see what comes up as you read this…)

It can be crazy fun, but also deeply, deeply painful – no matter where on the social ladder you are. Each rung brings its own victories pressures and miseries.

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My Daughter is Distressed: A Q&A

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Sometimes a parent mails me with a query about their anxious child.

Last week I received such a query. Her particular issue is such a common one at the moment (ungrateful nod to COVID!) that I asked permission to publish both her question and my response. There can be so much isolation, pressure and even shame around parenting that it can come as an enormous relief to find that another parent shares your experiences!

And of course these difficult feelings are exacerbated hugely in lockdown.

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Poor Ollie the Otter, we’ll miss his soggy furry cuteness!

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He was “just” an otter. But when Ollie started dining regularly in Youghal we were all excited and more than a little flattered. There’s something about an animal’s visit isn’t there? A sense of trust, an unspoken bond between living creatures that somehow crosses boundaries set by species, genes, chromosomes…

And what a cutie he was…

Did he think we were cute I wonder? He probably thought we were ridiculous with our clothes and cars and lack of fur…

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Blaming the Teenagers

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This was published in both the Irish Times and The Irish Examiner. I wrote this in response to growing concerns and media coverage of teenagers and their behaviours. As a psychologist who works with teens I wanted to address adult behaviour and how that impacts teen behaviour. Teen behaviour cannot and must not be seen as an isolated phenomenon. Continue reading