The trouble with “provocation” & domestic violence

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It’s been pretty harrowing listening to today’s coverage of the case of domestic violence that culminated in the murder of a young mother. The man, who strangled his wife and allegedly threatened to kill her on more than one occasion is pleading guilty to manslaughter, not to murder. That’s one issue I have with this case.

The real issue I have, closely related, is that nature of his reasoning – he says he was ‘provoked’.

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On staying together for the sake of the kids

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“What caught him off guard though was that at some level he felt ‘programmed’ to bring conflict and drama into the relationship. Even where there was no evidence of cheating he suspected it. Even though he loved her free spirit he felt he should curtail it in case she ran off. Even though he admired her intelligence he found himself calling her stupid. When things were good he was waiting for something to go wrong – enjoying peace and fun felt alien and weird.
So if it didn’t ‘go’ wrong, he’d make it go wrong.”

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Trouble Saying No?

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It’s a teeny weeny little word and yet it can be so hard to say! (unless you’re a toddler..)

I used to have a lot of trouble with this one – sometimes I still have trouble, truth be told. Why is it so hard?

For most of us saying “no” means riddling ourselves with guilt and being terrified of judgement. People who habitually say “yes” are approvingly described as “selfless” – like that’s a good thing. But is it really a good thing? Continue reading

Is it ever OK to argue in front of kids?

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Sulking = NOT arguing well...
Sulking = NOT arguing well…

I think so yes. Because there are ways to argue ‘well’.

(Hint – sulking isn’t one of them – but we’ve probably all done it!)

 

And not only do I think it’s OK, I think it’s important.

 

 

This is the subject of my latest piece for the lovely folk over at Family Friendly HQ and you can  read more by clicking the green button:

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I hope you find it helpful and as always I am interesting in feedback and further suggestions!

 

 

 

 

 

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